4 Ways To Be Joyful

So I spent a couple of hours yesterday writing a blog post that I probably won’t ever launch. I am proud of it. I am proud because it came from my deeply rooted soul. It was honest. It encompassed everything I promised myself I would be when sharing my thoughts and experiences and everything in between. But it also didn’t.

The topic is controversial. It would have most definitely sparked feudal commentary from some readers. It would have also been a good read for those that share the same feelings. But then I reminded myself of the purpose of my blog.

I am not afraid to speak up about things with which others may disagree. In fact, I sent the post to someone who I knew would disagree. I love her. She is blunt and honesty, because she loves me, too! She and I have a lot in common, but we are also VERY different. That’s what makes relationships so special…but only if you are respectful and loving and happy enough to accept that differences are inevitable.

Accepting differences—and no, I do not mean conforming—is one of the only ways this world is going to maintain whatever joy it has left. I guess I just started to think...I would rather spread joy than fuel a fire that has been and always will be ablaze for years. And the only way to spread joy is if happiness truly resonates within you.

So what makes a happier person? I started to compile a list of six or seven articles that had scientifically proven characteristics that can make a person joyful. Then, I asked myself which of those characteristics do I HONESTLY acquire? The only way for me to assure you that they work, aside from the psychological studies, is if I have first hand experience with them.

Many of these things are your typical and fairly cliche characteristics. Surround yourself with happy people. Honor your beliefs and values. Count your blessings...literally. I believe all of these things will help one be happier with oneself. But there are some things that aren’t as easy to come by. Maybe that’s why happiness is complex and can seem out of reach for some of us. Work is hard. Happiness isn’t always natural. It’s a choice. A lot of it has to do with the effort we put in to it.

TAKE RISKS AND FIND YOUR PURPOSE

Someone will always need you.

This could probably be added to the list of cliches. But it’s so important. How many times have you questioned where you are in life—your friends, your romantic relationships, your choices, your career? I know I question myself everyday. It can send you spiraling into a hole that you think is filled with confusion...picture Alice falling into the rabbit hole, or the Matrix...or maybe that hole is where you’ll find your purpose. See, Alice found herself following the white rabbit because she was bored and curious. That’s where it all began for her. She was on a quest  to find her identify, and she learned so many things along the way. She was also faced with things that distracted her on her journey to find purpose.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum tried to teach Alice that curiosity could result in unforeseen consequences. Questioning too many things can get you in trouble. Like Alice, many of us are headed down such rabbit holes, trying to find reasons for all the events going on around us. As we become more knowledgeable and sophisticated, we realize that this hole is everything that supports our purpose and our identity. It can either destroy us, or our curiosity can help us know more. What’s wrong with making mistakes and having consequences? Nothing…as long as you’re accountable for them and learn from them. I know I have learned more about myself, my happiness, and what I want (or don’t want) through my mistakes. Taking risks and falling down (and getting back up, and falling, and getting back up) has made me a stronger and more passionate person. Don’t be afraid.

SERVE OTHERS

Someone is always watching.

This speaks for itself. Every day, find a way to serve someone else.

Call or text someone and genuinely tell them what you appreciate about them. If you have a few extra dollars to spare, pay it forward. Give for a charitable cause. Send someone flowers. Write someone a letter. So far in my lifetime, I have been a part of seven “pay it forward” moments. That’s seven times that someone I have never met decided to pay for my coffee, yogurt, and cream cheese danish. That’s seven times that I have done the same for the person in line behind me. Just recently, an amazing and thoughtful friend had soup and a croissant delivered to my house. I felt so loved and worthy. It’s contagious.

Bottom line, serving others makes you feel good. And when you feel good, you are happy. When someone makes you happy, you subconsciously want others to experience that joyfulness. It’s a cycle that has so much more power than negativity and selfishness, if you let it.

SPEAK AND THINK WITH KINDNESS

Someone is always listening.

Aside from this being just an all around better option than being ugly and shrewd, it’s got some serious scientific backing to support it. Neuroscientists Dr. Andrew Newberg and Mark Walman wrote a book, “Words Can Change Your Brain” and it’s nothing short of awesome. There is scientific proof that positive words (and thoughts) can impact the way our brain reasons and motivates us. Negativity stimulates fear, which results in stress and sadness.

Let’s be honest, though. We all know that complaining sometimes does make us feel a little better….in the moment. It’s not always easy to be positive. In fact, it’s really hard, and normal people often get annoyed with the people who walk around with a rainbow over there head. It doesn’t seem natural. Sometimes, we need to vent. Sometimes, we need someone to vent to and to agree that “he’s an a**hole” or “she’s literally the worst.” My brother and I have jokingly given my mom a hard time about how she gives the benefit of the doubt. But here’s the reality. She is there to listen. She’s also there with purpose...to help us stay focused on what really matters—recognizing the good in people.

Take it moment by moment. Gossip a little less. Complain a little less. If something bad happens, take ten seconds to reconnect with yourself. Admit that it sucked, and then shift your brain to something positive about the person or situation. If you can’t, reevaluate that relationship, or job, or whatever it is that’s steering your heart and mind into darkness. Maybe it’s not meant for you. And that’s okay. It’s all part of finding your purpose. If there is something positive about it that you want to hold on to, then find a way to serve the people involved. Everyone is fighting their own battle. Theirs is just as important as yours.

FIND SOMETHING THAT YOU LOVE AND DO IT EVERY DAY

Ya’ll...whether it’s yoga, listening to music, dancing, drinking a glass of wine, or even your husband...do it. *wink, wink* Do the thing that brings you the most joy. Finding time to do it every single day means that you believe you are important enough to feel joyful every day. You are worth it. Do you know how hard and nearly impossible it is to be kind, serve others, and find your purpose if you don’t have self worth? I still struggle with it because it’s just a part of life. Insecurity is the devil, and it always tries to butt its nasty little head into all of your business. But when you truly started to focus on and take care of yourself, you’ll slowly but surely stop putting yourself in situations that make you feel terrible.

Not a single relationship in your life—with yourself, your spouse, your friends, or God—is going to be successful if you stray away from loving yourself. Accept your flaws. Learn from your mistakes. Remember?…you are your own worst critic. If you aren’t doing the things that bring you joy, and if you aren’t happy with who you are, you can’t expect others to do it. It just doesn’t work that way.

Take care of the things and the people that matter, starting with yourself. Our world is broken enough as it is, but it’s far from being shattered and destroyed.

Be the light. Be the glue.

Or...be the chisel. Start shaping our world into a place where happiness is at its core.

Take care of your heart.

Take care of the hearts of others.